Lebron Agrees in Principle with Browns

Lebron James is a Cleveland Brown.

He’s had enough of the talk about his free agency in 2010, so he put all the rumors to rest during the Championship round of the NFL playoffs. He will not be a Brooklyn Net. He will not be a Cleveland Cavalier. He will, in fact, be a Cleveland Brown.

Sadly, this might just be the best news the Browns have gotten since 1996 when they first learned they were moving to Baltimore.

As for Lebron, he was a great wide out for St. Vincent/St. Mary’s High School…allegedly. I’ll believe it when I see it. One thing is for sure though; he will undoubtedly be a better receiver than Braylon Edwards. But then again, so would Ike Taylor and he hasn’t caught anything since the summer of ‘93 when he and his uncle reeled in a blue gill outside of New Orleans.

"I’m big. I’m very fast and I have excellent hands,” James said via email. “And besides, I’m getting bored with this NBA nonsense.”

The commercial – err – press conference may have appeared to be a hoax and may have even come across as a dream, but sources very close to the wannabe global superstar have assured me that this move across professional sporting leagues is very real.

The Browns hope to be the second franchise in Cleveland to be resurrected by the Chosen One. He can’t walk on water, but we thought water couldn’t catch on fire either. In Cleveland, anything is possible.

“The Browns were the obvious choice,” James said. I could not imagine myself anywhere other than Cleveland. That is unless, of course, either of the New York teams are interested.”

The terms and conditions of the preliminary agreement have not been released.

Do Less

[Note: The following was published in the January 13 issue of Flyer News.]

We’re just two weeks into 2009 and any thoughts of a New Year’s resolution are quickly starting to fade away.

In some cases it might be the result of laziness and general apathy, but more likely it’s a direct result of college life.

If your New Year’s resolution was to spend less money this year you’ve failed already, but through no fault of your own. You’re in college. You need books, and text book prices are the biggest crime on campus.

If your New Year’s resolution was to wake up early and work out more often, you might have been able to sustain it over these first two weeks, but I promise you; It won’t last long. It’s too easy to roll over and hit that snooze button.

If your New Year’s resolution was to eat healthier, you’ve already slipped. Healthy food is more expensive, takes longer to prepare and generally tastes worse. It won’t be long before you beg your roommate for half of that cheesy bread Vinny’s just delivered.

If your New Year’s resolution was to drink less beer, you’ve failed. The first weekend back at UD will normally destroy a resolution like that every time.

I refuse to fall victim to the optimistic thinking brought on by New Year’s resolutions. As college students we have to know our limitations. Certain things don’t mesh with our lifestyle. Our world is void of any real responsibility and it’s nearly impossible for us to impose any fantasy-land resolution responsibility upon ourselves. And furthermore, why would we want to?

Why would we clutter up our schedules with self-imposed early-morning work outs? Or try to watch what we eat? We’re college students. We don’t eat healthy, we drink beer. That’s just how it is. There’s no fighting it. Trying to reverse these inevitable trends each New Year will result in nothing but frustration and unaccomplished goals.

That’s why my New Year’s resolution isn’t a resolution at all. It’s a guarantee. My New Year’s resolution: do less. I plan on taking full advantage of the remaining months of my college career. I plan on walking slower, sleeping longer and doing less than I have in previous years. It’s the last time in my life I can sleep until noon everyday because I have no morning classes. It’s also the last time my seven roommates and I can lay around all Saturday in the same clothes we slept in.

We have no real responsibilities, and I plan on fully embracing that fact more than I have in the past. I’ve jogged the first three laps, but for my final lap, I think I’ll walk.

Setting realistic goals is the first step in accomplishing them. For some it might be realistic to eat healthier and work out more often, but not for me, at least not yet. So those of you still in search of a 2009 resolution, make it simple. Take it easy. Enjoy this year and all those that remain in your college career. Do less, and I promise, you won’t be disappointed.